


narcissus

by fullsan



Series: flowers for kang minhee [1]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Angst, Based on my social media au, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Jungmo centric, M/M, School Dances, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:08:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21635629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fullsan/pseuds/fullsan
Summary: Jungmo knew that Minhee would be okay by himself, but he wanted to stay. He wanted to help Minhee when he struggled with a step, he wanted to be there when Minhee finally did it correctly and started jumping around the room. He loved to hold Minhee’s hand and walk with him under the summer starry sky, and he loved to hear Minhee talk about the constellation’s names.or in which jungmo still hopes for his unrequited love for minhee
Relationships: Ham Wonjin/Song Hyeongjun, Hwang Yunseong/Kang Minhee, Kang Minhee/Koo Jungmo
Series: flowers for kang minhee [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559485
Comments: 3
Kudos: 50





	narcissus

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this fic is mainly based on my [hwangmini au](https://twitter.com/minilaun/status/1179509225338343424) i am publishing on twitter! you don't need to read the au for understanding this story and vice-versa, they are just complements to each other, but not necessary. it's my first time writing something this long and i wanted to try it for so long, i hope it's okay!! thank you so much for reading

If Jungmo closed his eyes, he could remember perfectly the moment when he first saw Minhee.

Jungmo won third place in a local contest, in the next city he just moved to. He smiled proudly. He didn't feel sad or disappointed because he didn't get the 1st place, that boy danced amazing. He was small, both in size and age, but Jungmo swore he never saw someone dancing in a more beautiful way than his.

He liked dancing since he was young. It had always been his escape, for any kind of situation. Gradually, he learned to define the steps, going on his own pace. Jungmo learned a bit of all the possible dances and began to opt for his favorite styles. He also learned to develop himself in any type of situation or environment. Still, Jungmo knew that something was different in him, Jungmo never felt normal. Starting with the fact that children do not usually want to do ballet, Jungmo soon learned that he was not like the other children. He didn't like to play football, he preferred to dance; he never felt the need to bother "the girl he liked", he never saw the purpose of choosing who was the prettiest girl, or he was attracted to a girl in general. Jungmo always knew he was different. No one ever taught him that you could like another boy, although it was not because his parents were against or anything similar, he just never thought of that possibility. Maybe he wasn’t like that, but soon started to think that maybe he hadn’t meet someone special yet. After all, Jungmo was still young.

Now he was 18 and he understood that he liked boys. It had always been that way.

He had to admit that the boy who had just won was pretty, he seemed younger than him and with no doubt, his cheeks and teeth gave him quite a special look. Jungmo thought about arming himself with courage and talk to him, to ask him if he was going to some kind of academy, to ask him if he wanted to be his friend… But someone just threw himself into him, screaming something similar to a name, or that’s what Jungmo thought.

“Hyeongjun! Congratulations! I told you you’ll do it well!”

Jungmo didn’t mean to listen, but he was close to.

“Yeah, thank you Mini”

“Now you have to keep your promise and confess to Wonjin”

“Shut up, what if he comes backstage too and hears it? Go away, you shouldn’t be here”

The boy called “Mini” was pretty too. Jungmo found himself looking at him, appreciating all his features, one by one, but specially his freckles. Jungmo didn’t know he loved freckles until that moment, he didn’t know someone could look so pretty with those spots in their face. He was tall, slim, gorgeous. His voice also sounded nice, and… Their eyes locked.

Hyeongjun turned right to see that his best friend was looking to, when he saw Jungmo and immediately smiled.

“Hi! You were Jungmo, right?”

Now that the boy was right in front of him, Jungmo noticed that they actually shared the same height, so it was just that the winner was… Small next to them. He really wasn’t small, but the good kid looks he was giving today, plus the curly hair and pink cheeks… He could fit perfectly in Jungmo’s pocket.

He just nodded, nervous at the situation. How long has it been since Jungmo talked to anyone that wasn’t his parents? He did not have a single friend at school, yet. Mainly because he was shy, or because he didn’t even try. He didn’t care because it would end soon, and later he could dance and meet some friends that were actually interested in him. Jungmo wasn’t shy, but his cheeks turned pink too when both boys smiled at him.

“You were awesome, I don’t know why you did not win. I really thought you did better than me”

“Ah, thank you but I think you did it incredible, you can clearly tell that you love dancing”

Hyeongjun smiled widely and extended his hand to Jungmo.

“I’m Hyeongjun, and this is my best friend Minhee”

 _“Ah, so it’s Minhee and not Mini… They sound similar, though”_ He thought.

Minhee, unlike Hyeongjun, was shy; his blush couldn’t be unnoticed. He looked pretty. His dark hair fell at both sides, revealing a beautiful forehead. Maybe that friend of Hyeongjun was a God by himself. Jungmo liked what he was seeing.

“I’m Jungmo, nice to meet you”

“What brings you here? I never saw you before, or at any of the studios”

“Ah, I just moved last month, more or less. I found this by chance”

They invited him to have dinner with him, and he met Wonjin. Wonjin was as sweet as his friends, same age as him, and they clicked together maybe even more than he clicked with Hyeongjun.

“Seriously, Jungmo, you slayed it. Your moves are so clean”

“Ah, thank you Wonjin. Do you dance too?”

“Yeah, we all dance here but I just decided not to dance this time”

“I don’t dance”

Jungmo looked at Minhee and found a small smile where he thought he would find a bad expression. Minhee was just looking at him with kind eyes, like he knew him from before. No one said anything to that, so Jungmo didn’t push the topic. Soon, Minhee started talking about how he couldn’t wait to the desert while Hyeongjun started to scold him. They laughed.

He found a new home in them, friends, a family. It wasn’t long until he got invited to hand out with them, and Hyeongjun and Wonjin started dating. Everything in his life went smoothly, and the end of his academic years was finally coming.

“Hyung!”

Jungmo smiled at the view of Minhee peeking at the door of the dance studio he was in, turning off the volume and signaling to Minhee to come closer. The younger sat down with him and revealed the bag full of candy he brought with him.

“Mini, you know my competition is on Sunday”

“You still have some days left, hand out a few with me...”

“Only if you dance with me”

He looked away and Jungmo continued smiled, until Minhee relented and got up again to dance with Jungmo.

Minhee liked dancing. Jungmo learned that a few months ago when he and Minhee got close, he just thinks that he isn’t good enough. Jungmo does not agree, he finds Minhee way of dancing beautiful, cute and adorable. He may not be the best, he may not dance as good as Hyeongjun and Wonjin, but he is good.

“I just don’t feel like I should be dancing anymore, I don’t want to live of it like you, hyung“

He always says the same, and Jungmo always takes his hand and smiles at him.

“You should dance, because I’m happy when you dance”

Minhee always smiles.

Jungmo knows Minhee is insecure, that he enjoys dancing along to Twice, that he can’t sleep at night if he isn’t hugging a plushie, that he loves cheese balls and stationery, that his favorite ice cream is cookies and cream and that he is really happy when he holds hands with their friends. Minhee also likes to read, he loves fantasy and harry potter. Minhee is in love with magic, and not so with his freckles. Minhee is caring and nice, shy only at the start and very careful with his words. He also knows a little bit of everything, and he likes to take Jungmo’s hands on his, and play with his fingers and nails, saying cute things about Jungmo.

He was there when Minhee cried at the park that night because he wasn’t feeling enough, because sometimes being good is not all that it takes to avoid negative feelings. And Jungmo knows about it. Jungmo knows how Minhee overthinks everything, how he can switch of a happy mood from a really sad one in seconds, how he sometimes look at him at the mirror and feels strange, how he avoids hanging up with them when they have a contest coming up because he thinks he is a bother, how he actually thinks that they may be better without him.

“I don’t know why I can't cope with everything right now. I’m so sorry I called you”

Jungmo knew he wasn’t a replacement. He knew that Hyeongjun was Minhee’s best friend, but even with that, maybe Minhee didn’t need his best friend now. Minhee needed Jungmo’s comfort, he didn’t need his friend to come with the straight reality to his face. Minhee just wanted to feel loved.

“Mini, I’m always more than happy to be here with you”

“But it’s cold”

“Then we can make it warm”

Jungmo always hugged Minhee and kissed his forehead. And Minhee smiled back.

“I want Minhee to dance with us”

He could replay clearly those two words that came out from Hyeongjun’s mouth when they were discussing which song would be good for the upcoming contest, in their brand-new opened studio. Jungmo felt so proud when Hyeongjun graduated and started that dance studio project with Wonjin, because it was their dream. He always supported them in silently and voicing it. He really liked them both, how good they fitted together, how it seemed like they were made for each other, and how it seemed like forever really existed.

Hyeongjun cared about his friends a lot, even if he didn’t show it. It was in the smallest actions, in the minimal signs. He always knew it. No matter how hard you tried to hide it, Hyeongjun will know if you had a good day and you want a hug, Hyeongjun will know what you’re feeling even before you start thinking about it. So, when he said that, Jungmo wanted to believe that he did it for a good reason.

“Minhee dances?”

Jinwoo’s voice echoed in the room, but no one said nothing, not even Hyeongjun. It was a complicated topic. It took Jungmo a year over a friendship and a lot of dances with Minhee to him open up at Jungmo.

“I am scared. I don’t know why I suddenly got scared of it. I really tried, but Hyeongjun knows it too. Everything is good when I dance with you, or when I dance with him, but when I picture myself in a stage… It doesn’t feel like that’s me”

Jungmo stays silent but still looks at Minhee’s face, even if he doesn’t get to make visual contact. He knows Minhee is like that. When he’s nervous or when he’s saying he doesn’t feel comfortable saying, even if he’s saying it in a light tone, is because he really doesn’t want to say it out loud. If you voice it out, it is real. Jungmo knew Minhee was terrified at that, but he continued.

“I feel like I cannot live up at people’s expectations. I know that literally no one is expecting something from me now, but I can’t help thinking so. I just know it. I think I will never be as good as you are dancing, and that I will not make good to your performance”

“That’s not true, you know I like how you dance, and I told you a thousand times that you’re good, Minhee”

“But being good doesn’t mean that I’m enough, and you know it. You know how clumsy I am, and how irritated Hyeongjun can get sometimes. This is his dream, Mogu, not mine”

“I love dancing with you, Minhee”

“I love dancing with you too, Jungmo”

And Minhee tightened the grip on Jungmo’s hand, nuzzling his head on his shoulder while the autumn breeze carried some leaves away.

“He does, and he is really good. He’s just shy”

It seems like everyone is surprised to hear Jungmo’s voice, because even Hyeongjun is surprised at his words.

“Minhee just finished his entrance exams and I want him to think about something else, I want him to gain confidence in himself again. That’s why I want him to dance with us. I always wanted him to dance in a stage with him, and I feel like this is my last opportunity to do so”

Jungmo knew it, how Hyeongjun and Minhee felt towards each other. It didn’t need too much attention to notice how much they loved each other, with a long-year relationship at their back. They grew up together. Jungmo knew Minhee, but Hyeongjun did it better. Hyeongjun will be always Minhee’s first choice, but Jungmo was okay with that, because they were all friends.

“I’m sure he will love to dance with you if you tell him that the reason is because you want to dance with him, Hyeongjun. We all do”

“Thank you, Mogu”

And, Minhee agreed.

The routine was always the same: Jungmo arrived at the studio to find Minhee already practicing, they practiced together until the rest arrived, then they left and Minhee and him were alone again.

“Hyung, you can leave. I’ll be okay by myself”

Jungmo knew that Minhee would be okay by himself, but he wanted to stay. He wanted to help Minhee when he struggled with a step, he wanted to be there when Minhee finally did it correctly and started jumping around the room. He loved to hold Minhee’s hand and walk with him under the summer starry sky, and he loved to hear Minhee talk about the constellation’s names.

In Minhee, Jungmo always finds home. That’s why he wants Minhee to feel good when they are together. And he knows he is doing some progress because Minhee gradually stops saying that he’s a bother or stops glaring at himself with a bad face. Jungmo wanted to cry when Minhee once said that he thought that he looked cute that day with his freckles, because for him, he was always cute.

The deadline was near, and Jungmo was silently waiting, looking at the ceiling. Minhee came and lay beside him, resting his head on one of Jungmo’s biceps.

“Hyung, are you awake?”

Jungmo just rolled and put his free arm around Minhee, hugging him and nuzzling his head on Minhee’s chest. Minhee replied kissing his head and started stroking his hair with a slow pace.

“I wanted to say thank you. I am really nervous, but I think I can do it well because you’re by my side”

“If Hyeongjun hears that, he is going to kill you”

Minhee laughed, and Jungmo looked up to find Minhee’s eyes looking at him. It was the first time Jungmo saw that type of look on him. He looked… Warm, cozy, familiar; like home. And for the first time in forever, Jungmo found himself wanting to kiss the freckles that were all over his face, his eyelids, and those pretty pink lips Minhee had.

“Thank you for believing in me”

“I would do it a hundred times, Mini”

His cheek was poked by Minhee’s finger once, twice, until Jungmo pouted.

“Thanks a lot, Mogu. I love you”

“I love you too, Minhee”

And Minhee smiled.

Jungmo swore he never saw a smile more beautiful in his entire life, nor more sincere. It was genuine, and absolutely breathtaking. All because of him. Because he told Minhee that he loved him. Because thanks to him, Minhee had confidence again to stand on a stage by himself.

Because thanks to him, Minhee was smiling.

They won.

Minhee was still smiling, but he was a crying mess. Hyeongjun had him wrapped on his arms, while Jungmo was hugging Wonjin, Jinwoo and Hyunbin. They deserved that first place. Jungmo couldn’t believe they did it, and that he did it with the best company he could ask for. Who could have told him that his life was going to change that much in a year?

When Minhee finally came to him, mumbling something between “hyung”, “mogu” and sobs, they hugged. And Jungmo felt warm, a strange feeling at his heart, and in his stomach. He only realized that he was crying when Minhee put his hands on his cheeks and caressed away his tears. Both interlocked their gazes, and Jungmo thought that he was still looking at the starry sky they always looked together, that Minhee’s freckles were just a part of the universe.

He saw how Hyeongjun and Wonjin shared a really cute kiss while they were holding the trophy and wished he could do the same with Minhee. Instead, he kissed his hands, and Minhee pulled him closer to kiss his nose. They joined their foreheads and shared a smile.

It wasn’t something sudden or new, Jungmo always knew it. It was bound to happen since the moment he laid his eyes on him. He liked Kang Minhee.

Jungmo could live with it, as something normal, as if he felt nothing for him. He now was more conscious of the real reason of why he does everything what he does, why he asks Minhee everyday how his career is going, why he wanted him to love himself, or why he wanted to dance with him.

Maybe Jungmo liked Minhee all this time.

When he told Wonjin, he wasn’t surprised. They were together laying on hamlem’s queen sized bed while Hyeongjun and Minhee went for dinner, planning a routine together for a special dance workshop.

“Your gaze says it all, Jungmo"

“Really? I thought I was being subtle”

“It’s okay, it’s not like Minhee knows it or anything”

“But it’s… So confusing. Sometimes I think that I should confess, but I’m not sure he feels the same about me”

“Probably he does, but he’s scared to ruin your relationship”

“Were you scared when you confessed to Hyeongjun?”

“I was, because Hyeongjun didn’t like me in that way. He didn’t like me at all”

“And what did you do?”

“Time. He decided to give me an opportunity, and it went well. Actually, he officially asked me out for a date the day we met you”

“Ah, I know. I heard Minhee saying that he should ask you out since he won”

“Then, you should do the same”

“What?”

“Ask Minhee out next time you are first”

“I am not doing that, Wonjin”

But he did. He promised, to himself, that he would confess to Minhee soon, because he wasn’t planning on actually stop liking him. He hoped that Minhee liked him too, someday.

Another year passed and he met Eunsang. They clicked almost instantly, talking about their favorite groups and everything. Eunsang and Minhee shared a cute friendship too, and Jungmo felt his heart ache.

Jealousy wasn’t new for him, he even felt it sometimes when they were walking together at the street and Minhee decided to hold hands with Hyeongjun and not with him. Minhee once told him that he loved how his hand fitted with his, so why he wasn’t always holding his hand?

It wasn’t long until Jungmo heart started to ache at the mere view of Minhee, and the worst part of the story was that Minhee noticed.

“Hyung, how are you doing?”

Minhee was waiting for him at the entrance of Hamlem Studio, with a scarf around his neck. It was the scarf Jungmo gifted him last Christmas. He looked so cute on it, with his red cheeks and blonde hair, that Jungmo really wished he could kiss him.

“Ah, Minhee, long time no see”

“Are you going to the bus stop?”

“Yeah”

“Do you want to come at home for a bit?”

“I’m a little bit busy, I’m almost at my mid-years”

“Ah, I see...”

Minhee looked sad now. Jungmo’s heart broke in pieces.

“I’m sorry, Mini. I promise we’ll see each other on Christmas soon”

So, they did.

“If I didn’t know you, I would kick you out. Stop looking at him like that”

Jungmo lifted his gaze from Minhee’s freckles to find Hyeongjun with his arms in jars, judging the situation. Actually, Minhee was sleeping in the couch and Jungmo was sitting in the floor, with his hands caressing his hair until he fell asleep. They were pretty close, so Jungmo turned away.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to eat his face. He’s my best friend”

“You actually eat Wonjin’s face right in front of me”

“That doesn’t matter. If you really like him, you should confess. It’s been 2 years, Jungmo”

Hyeongjun knew Jungmo liked Minhee even before Jungmo could imagine it, because we are talking about his best friend. Hyeongjun would kill for Minhee, he would leave his whole career if his best friend just asked. And Hyeongjun decided to respect Jungmo, because he knew he could be good for Minhee. Even knowing that, Hyeongjun never pushed Minhee. He wanted his best friend to fall in love freely.

“You know what I think about that, Jun”

“And you know Minhee almost as well as I do, and you know that he isn’t going to see you in that way unless you told him so”

“I think I might go to Europe next year”

Hyeongjun stayed silent. Jungmo just smiled.

“Why?”

“They offered me to go with the grade I’m doing. I would be back for summer, though”

No one said anything. Not even Minhee, when Jungmo texted the group chat that he would be going to Europe next week. Instead, his doorbell rang. Minhee was there, with his eyes full of tears. Jungmo’s heart broke and put Minhee in bed with him.

“Promise me you’ll be back”

“I will be back this summer, I promise”

Minhee extended his pinky, and Jungmo sealed the promise.

“I’ll tell you something when I’m back”

“What is it?”

“You’ll only know when I get back”

“That’s rude, hyung”

Except that Jungmo couldn’t keep both promises. When he came back, he found himself wanting to avoid Minhee, uncomfortable with the situation. He thought that time would be good to forget about what he felt for Minhee, but it actually made it worse.

He tried to date some boys while he was away, he tried to think about something that wasn’t Minhee. He tried really hard to avoid the cute messages Minhee sent him every day, despite the time difference, but he couldn’t. He loved him. Jungmo noticed he fell in love with his best friend.

Now, he reached a well-balance situation, in which he only saw Minhee once a week if so, worked at hamlem’s once a week and was still studying for that course he was into. Everything was good. He learnt how to deal with his feelings, until that day came.

Minhee was in someone’s else Instagram.

“Eunsang, who is this?”

“Ah, he’s Hwang Yunseong, do you know him?”

Of course, he knows him. Minhee mentioned him a few times, Eunsang too, even Sihun did it. He knew he was well known in the university, and that his best friends were models. He didn’t like any part of it. That was when he regretted spending the last half of a year avoiding Minhee as much as he could, but not enough to lose contact with him.

When Sihun invited them to the party, he couldn’t help but to think in seeing Minhee. He missed him. A lot. But Sihun mentioned that Yunseong was seeing someone.

And there he was, Minhee was holding hands with someone new, someone he didn’t know. He was stupidly handsome. He knew what he was getting himself into. Jungmo couldn’t believe what his eyes were seeing. Minhee, who was completely shy, was… dating, another boy. It was stupid, it couldn’t be. Minhee wasn’t like that.

Minhee took his time to open to him, Minhee who was shy to admit that he graved for hugs and attention. His Minhee. But before he could stop overthinking about it and analyzing the real situation, he found Minhee jumping onto his arms. He couldn’t help but smile, returning that hug and nuzzling his head on Minhee’s shoulders.

It was his home. Jungmo always came back to Minhee, in a way or another. And Minhee always had his arms open for him, no matter how many times or days he ignored him, he still loved him endlessly. Even with one month without seeing or talking with each other, Minhee was now hugging him.

He broke the hug and looked at Minhee’s eyes with a smile. It was… Different. Minhee’s eyes were sparkling, in a different way Jungmo has never seen before.

“Hyung! Here here”

His heart skipped a beat hearing those words again, except that they weren’t for him. He saw how Minhee took Yunseong’s arm and linked it with his, smiling so widely and… Beautiful.

“He’s Jungmo. He dances sometimes in competitions with Jun and Won, he’s Eunsang’s friend too!”

Jungmo wasn’t stupid. He saw how Yunseong faked that smile at him. He didn’t need his smile, so why he was trying so hard for?

“Hi, I’m Yunseong, I’m Minhee’s boyfriend”

Jungmo’s face changed completely. Minhee really… had a boyfriend? He felt all his world crumbling, even if later Minhee chose him over Yunseong, because he wasn’t really choosing over him. What could he do apart from listening to Minhee the whole night? The feeling he had in his chest was horrible, despicable. He wanted to cry. He tried not to, not at least in front of Minhee. He drank a little and watched the stars with Minhee again. The atmosphere felt different, and Jungmo’s heart was broken.

That’s when Jungmo decided it would be his last chance. If it was true what Eunsang told him, it wasn’t that long since both of them started dating. He knew everything about Minhee, and how he wanted his boyfriend to be. He could be all of that and more. So, he started again to build their relationship, because he never thought about Minhee liking somebody else.

For Jungmo, Minhee would be always his little boy. Even if he didn’t like him, he never thought of the possibility of Minhee falling in love with someone else that wasn’t Son Chaeyoung. Jungmo couldn’t give up, not now, not without even trying. He could make Minhee happy, they could be happy together. Everyone knew it, that Jungmo loved Minhee.

Everyone but Minhee.

Jungmo smiled to himself when he saw a picture of Minhee with the display name of “Mini” with a heart and a hamster, unlocking the phone to pick his call.

“Hi Mini, what are you doing?”

_“Hey, hyung...”_

His voice was off, Jungmo could clearly tell. He sighed, because Minhee had to be really down to admit to Jungmo that he wasn’t feeling like anything.

_“Do you remember the lantern festival?”_

“Yeah, you go every year with haml-”

_“Are you free tonight?”_

Even if Jungmo had plans, we would have canceled them. He would do anything to go on a date with Minhee, to make Minhee happy. It doesn’t matter, if he’s going as a friend or as something else, he gets what he really likes; that it’s spending time with Minhee. That’s why he felt happy holding Minhee’s hand while they were walking with their friends, with plenty of stands with games and food surrounding them.

Minhee was happy, Minhee had the light in his eyes that Jungmo loved; he was the Minhee he knew. He couldn’t help but laugh at his failure with catching the fishes, or when he dropped his candy apple. He would always treasure the way his eyes lighted up when he gave him a strawberry strap he got in a game, and the hug that came afterwards. But of course, something had to happen.

Jungmo hold into Minhee’s hand, giving him a reassuring grip. Minhee wanted to cry, and Minhee felt sad. He didn’t need him to say it, because he knew it. He still remembered how Minhee told him that he wanted to bring someone special to the festival, how he really wanted to go to the lantern festival with his boyfriend, or… Or at least someone he liked enough to share one of his favorite nights. Jungmo hoped, hoped that he still had an opportunity. Because he was there, holding Minhee’s hand and giving him his year-wanted date. Because he would have canceled everything for Minhee, unlike Yunseong.

Maybe Yunseong didn’t like Minhee enough. Maybe Minhee could like him too.

“Hey Mini”

Minhee’s face lifted up, and Jungmo saw how his pupils got bigger at the sight of Jungmo just mere inches away. He smiled, and Minhee smiled too after finding what he was looking for in Jungmo’s eyes. Minhee needed warmth, reassurance, and love. Minhee needed to know what someone was willing to be there for him, that someone loved him enough to share that moment with him. And that someone was Jungmo.

He looked so pretty, with his freckles decorated with some glitter, a light pink shade on his eyelids and a very cute red lip tint on his lips. His eyelashes were so long, Jungmo found hard to focus again on his main objective, that was getting his baby to smile again. He wanted to kiss him, to hear him out, and to let him know that everything was going to be okay.

“If you don’t want to see Yunseong, it’s okay”

And Minhee’s eyes relaxed, smiling again at Jungmo and squeezing his hand. Jungmo knew that Minhee meant “I love you” with that, so he returned the gesture to let him know that he also loved him; he always did, and he always will.

He found Minhee sitting alone, next to the river. Hyeongjun told him that he does the same every year: he goes alone, watches his reflection in the river and lets his wish go. No more words were exchanged, as he understood his message. This year, he could make it different for Minhee. He would create a beautiful memory for him.

His hand was cold again, but Jungmo squeezed it harder to make it warmer. Minhee smiled holding his hand and letting the lantern go. Jungmo saw how both of them went together to the starry sky, until they got separated and followed their way alone. When he looked again at Minhee, he found again those eyes he loved.

They were sparkling, just like the sky full of lanterns. Minhee’s eyes held a lot of meanings, they were so transparent that were able to convey everything that Minhee was feeling. And Jungmo loved that. Jungmo loved everything about Minhee.

_“I’m in love with you”_

His words died at his throat. Because his best friend liked someone else now.

And it wasn’t him. It would never be him.

Or that’s what he thought.

“He never complains about your excessive need for attention or clinging, and he does always what you want. I was only supposing things, but I wanted you to give it a thought if you cared about it”

Minhee stayed silent, and Jungmo didn’t turn the knob of the dance room. Instead, he sttod there, listening to Hyeongjun’s and Minhee’s private conversation. He knew it was wrong, so wrong, but Hyeongjun was there implying to Minhee that he had feelings for him? Of course, he was hiding the fact that he actually knew that he liked Minhee for real. He wasn’t supposing things. They were silent for a while, but Hyeongjun took the topic again.

"Minhee, have you thought about Jungmo's feelings?"

He wanted to run away at the same time we would kill for hear that answer. But Minhee evaded it. He was a professional at that, and Jungmo didn’t even complain when he heard his reply.

"Jun, I have a boyfriend that I like very much"

"You had a crush on Yunseong, just like you had it on Jungmo"

"I thought we agreed on no talking about that ever again"

Jungmo’s eyes widened, and the urge to open the door was everything he could think about. What did Hyeongjun mean with that? Minhee liked him? And he missed that chance? But now he didn’t have enough time to process everything, he didn’t have enough reaction time.

"Well, I thought he never reciprocated you but now Jungmo's been suspiciously needy of you since he knew you had a boyfriend. I think he's jealous"

"I think we just missed each other, he was busy with the contest and the classes..."

"What if he actually has feelings for you?"

"I don't know, I never thought more about it"

He could see the glances they were giving each other, even if he wasn’t in the room to actually see it. Hyeongjun and Minhee were always like that at each other when they started talking about a topic one of them didn’t like. Jungmo felt sad at the thought of Minhee wanting to avoid talking about his feelings for him. He wished he could read between them, to have the connection they have to say everything to each other without words.

"What did you need, Mini?"

"I... think I'm starting to like Yunseong"

"I think we already said it can't be a bad thing, he's your boyfriend Mini"

"Yeah but... That's the thing. He's"

"He's not your boyfriend?"

"No"

Jungmo disconnected from the real world, thinking about what Minhee just said. Thinking about how they were faking a relationship just because Minhee asked for it and how Yunseong agreed, how Yunseong almost took away Minhee’s first kiss, the first kiss he always wishes for.

"I kind of wish he liked me for real, that I liked him for real. That everything could work out somehow. He's perfect Jun, he is good at everything, he has a good heart and—"

They wished for two different things. Why Minhee couldn’t ask him to fake being his boyfriend? It was a typical cliché in which the main character always, always falls in love with the other one, and the fake relationship evolves in a real one with beautiful feelings along with a lot of understandings in between.

Jungmo didn’t want to hear more. He didn’t need to hear more. His heart was aching, and he felt like crying when he heard how Minhee started crying, probably in Hyeongjun’s arms. So, he did what he always does when the love of his life is crying: cheer him up.

"Minhee! Do you want to dance today?"

Even when Minhee came feeling uneasy about his dance again, Jungmo reassured him again that he did well, that he enjoyed danced. He loved how he made Minhee forget about that made him sad and light up again with his dance.

That was when Jungmo swore again to himself that he would let Minhee know about his feelings, because it was now or never. Because he knew that Minhee was insecure, and that he needed a reassurance Yunseong was not giving to him. Because Minhee needed to know that he was loved, that he was perfect in every way, and that Jungmo liked him right from the start.

When he holds a drunk Minhee in his arms, that gave him plenty of hugs, cheek kisses and “I love you” s, he got reminded of why he liked him, of why he was in love with him. Minhee was a masterpiece for him, everything he has been looking for. But, when had to take his phone from him, he wanted to scream to Yunseong. Because before him, he was always the one Minhee called to when he was drunk. It would seem stupid when they were out together, but Minhee always did it. Not anymore.

“Jungmo, I love you so much”

He wanted to believe those words said again with the moon as their only witness, but instead kissed his forehead. Minhee pulled his lips, claiming a kiss from Jungmo. It was always the same, Minhee wanting a kiss from his friends when he was drunk. No one ever compelled, as everyone knew that he really doesn’t want his first kiss to be like that. He pushed Minhee’s cheek, trying to ignore the voice in his head that really wanted to kiss him.

“No “I love you” back? Hyung, don’t you love me anymore?”

“Of course, Minhee, I love you to the moon and back”

The next time Jungmo said those words, it was with the correct connotation, with the meaning he always wanted them to have. He was in love with Minhee.

"I like you, Minhee"

Minhee stayed silent, and Jungmo saw again how his eyes opened, but this time his pupils weren’t big. They were shocked. He held the eye contact, trying to let Minhee know how true his feelings were, how much he cared about him, how much he loved him. He saw how Minhee’s cheeks turned pink, and how he struggled to find an answer to give him. Jungmo knew Minhee didn’t want to reply and felt shy. Finally, he said it. He said everything that was hurting his heart for the last three years.

He hugged him, because he couldn’t bring himself anymore to look at Minhee. Not like that. He knew Minhee would reject him, he knew Minhee’s heart wasn’t his. But still, he hoped.

"Jungmo, you know... I'm dating Yunseong"

No hyung, no rejection. Jungmo couldn’t bear with that. He needed Minhee to completely reject him, or he will be forever stuck with him, hoping for a love that will never be requited.

"So, you're lying to me too?"

He broke the hug, and Jungmo looked at him again, face to face. He knew he wasn’t looking good, he probably looked sad. He still hoped, looking at Minhee’s eyes up close. They were just a breath away. Jungmo could kiss him, and judging by the situation, he knew Minhee wouldn’t complain. He knew that Minhee wouldn’t push him, and that he would kiss him back. But he didn’t do it, because he also knew that Minhee didn’t feel in that way for him.

"I heard you. I heard you last week. I know you don't like Yunseong yet so why aren't you giving me an opportunity when I've been liking you for so long? Why Yunseong gets a chance of dating you when he doesn't even like you? It feels unfair."

And Jungmo started crying. He let his facade to fall in front of Minhee, the only one he bought that facade for, because he reached his limit. He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t hope anymore for something that hadn’t a future, he couldn’t bear anymore with his unrequited love. It was still unfair how Minhee never chose him, nor ever think about him in that way. He regretted saying everything when he saw tears in his love’s eyes.

So, he hugged Minhee again.

But why Minhee cried? Because Jungmo liked him and he didn’t like him back? No. Jungmo knew that Minhee wasn’t at his best, that Minhee’s feelings were a mess, that he needed time alone and to think about what he felt for Yunseong. But he was tired. He was tired to be a good boy, to be a good friend, to be a second option. Because for him, Minhee was his only option. He wanted Minhee to think about him, to at least think about him.

> “I’ll try my best so you can see me too”

Jungmo hit “send” on his phone, holding a hot chocolate for Minhee while he saw how Minhee was looking at the screen. And he smiled. Jungmo hoped, and for the first time in three years, Jungmo thought he had an opportunity.

> “I’m in love with you, Mini”

He knew he shouldn’t have sent it, but he did it anyways. And he knew that Minhee cried at that, even if he could not see him anymore.

Jungmo sighed, separating his shirt from his sweated body and letting himself sit next to Wonjin, resting his head on his shoulder. Hyeongjun’s voice echoed inside his ears.

“Can I upload this pic?”

“Sure”

“Jungmo… You sure? You really wanted to surprise Minhee...”

“Yeah, and I already confessed so I don’t see the point of doing it anymore”

“When I told you that you should confess as soon as you were able to, I didn’t mean that you should do it right in Minhee’s emotional breakdown”

“Well, he couldn’t help himself after hearing us, right?”

Jungmo opened his eyes again, now with Hyeongjun sitting in front of them, but still looking at his phone.

“Minhee liked Jungmo once, Minhee liked each of us once in his life. He just decided to drop it because he appreciates our friendship over a relationship. He never said it, but we all know it, at least we know it, Jungmo. You know that Minhee always says that we are his everything, and I’m sure he would drop everything for us. I think that if Yunseong really doesn’t like Minhee, Jungmo has an opportunity if he really likes him, and a very good one. He just has to… Step out his game better than Yunseong”

“Minhee is not a price, Hyeongjun”

“I know it more than you, Jungmo. You should stop petting over a fake relationship and Minhee liking Yunseong and do something, show him that you like him for real. I like Yunseong and he is good for Minhee but I’m tired of watching him sad because you aren’t clear about your purpose saying that you like him. I am really happy when I talk to Minhee and he smiles and tells me that he had a good time with Yunseong, but do you know how his face falls when he is reminded of you? What do you really want? You really want Minhee to date you? Or you just said that you liked him even if you don’t know how he is right now? Be clear because I’m your friend but if you ever hurt Min-”

“Okay, wait a moment guys, I’m lost-”

“What are you implying?”

“Just what I said. You spend half a year away and you said that you were trying to forget him, that you could move on. You even said you met a new guy. But as soon as Minhee gets a boyfriend, you come claiming that you are going to try it one last time?”

Jungmo knew that Hyeongjun was right. He just acted full of jealously, afraid to lose the Minhee he always thought as his. He knew that what he did was wrong, but he just needed Minhee to reject him. To reject him forever, and then he will be free.

“I’ll ask him out if we win. I will ask him on a proper date, I’ll show him that I can love him just as Yunseong does. Even better. You know that I know Minhee almost the same as you”

“I know. That’s why I’m still supporting you here, because I trust you more than Yunseong. Just… Don’t hurt him more, Jungmo. He loves you a lot. Don’t ask him anything you know it will hurt him”

Even when Hyeongjun said those words, he still got surprised when his screen showed that Minhee was writing multiple times but never sent anything. He was being insecure again. Jungmo smiled in the darkness of his room, now alone and more relaxed than before. Some things will never change, and he was sure that would be one of them. He needs to let him know.

> “It’s okay if you like Yunseong
> 
> I can fall in love with another person, but I can’t find someone like you
> 
> I love you a lot Minhee”
> 
> “I love you too hyung
> 
> A lot
> 
> I’m sorry”

And Jungmo cried when Minhee stopped replying. Because he was also sorry, he never felt so wrong for falling in love with his best friend. Everything would have been better if he just didn’t say anything else, if he just let Minhee go and fall in love properly with Yunseong.

If only he didn’t like him, maybe Minhee wouldn’t cry for him.

Even so, even if he was being selfish, he wanted to try it. He wanted to try it one last time. He wanted to feel like how it was having Minhee all for himself. He still cried, thinking about how much his heart ached, about how much he liked Minhee, about how much Minhee liked Yunseong. He knew it. He always knew it. Even if he convinced himself not to, even if he still hoped, he knew already that he had no opportunity with Minhee.

That’s why, Jungmo found himself holding onto Minhee’s hand again, in Hyeongjun’s birthday. That’s why, Jungmo found himself hugging Minhee below the night sky again.

He wasn’t wishing for anything but appreciated how Minhee held him again in his arms and told him again that he loved him. Minhee still loved him, even if it wasn’t in the way Jungmo wanted to. Because, after all, he had Minhee.

“I love you too, Minhee”

And Minhee smiled, but his eyes were full of tears.

Jungmo got reminded of Minhee’s bright smile he gave him once before they danced together years ago. And he found a bit of happiness in that smile. It was still his Mini, his baby. Minhee was still looking at him with those eyes, Minhee was still holding his hands even after everything Jungmo did to him. And this time, Jungmo smiled too.

Because thanks to Minhee, Jungmo was smiling.

They won.

Minhee was a crying mess again, looking at the stage with his big eyes while he was holding Yohan’s hands. Jungmo couldn’t believe they did it again, that they won a first place with Hyeongjun and Wonjin… and with Minhee watching him. Hyeongjun and Wonjin kissed, as Jungmo claimed the trophy and waved at Minhee.

When Minhee finally came to him, sobbing, they hugged. And Jungmo felt warm again, his heart at calm and a strange feeling in his stomach. He only realized that he was crying when Minhee put his hands on his cheeks and caressed away his tears, not even caring about how much he was crying. Both interlocked their gazes, and Jungmo thought that the sky was cloudy, sad and unstable. He found no sparks there. There were no stars. But still, Minhee was smiling. He found Minhee’s pink freckles again, and how Minhee bit his lip.

He looked away because he got scared. It was the first time in three years that Minhee looked at him like that. And he didn’t know what to do about it. Instead, he saw how Hyeongjun and Wonjin shared a really cute kiss while they were showing the trophy to Sihun and Eunsang, but Minhee claimed his attention again. He found those eyes again, he found Minhee struggling to say something. He just looked at Jungmo, and then his voice got broken in a sob, and let his hands fall in both of Jungmo’s sides, hugging him and hiding his face on Jungmo’s chest.

“Hyung, I love you… I love you, you did amazing, I- I...”

Jungmo smiled, and nuzzled his head on Minhee’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

“Mini, it’s okay. I’m here. I love you too, Minhee. Thank you for coming”

“Let’s do it”

“What?”

“Take me on that date tomorrow, hyung”

And he saw it again, those sparkles in Minhee’s eyes. They were just twinkling, looking at him. But Jungmo couldn’t guess the meaning on them, so he kissed Minhee’s forehead and nodded, smiling at him.

“Always for you, my baby"


End file.
